Whod you bang
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
