I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize