i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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