dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
