i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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