Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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