It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
