toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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