I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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