I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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