I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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