I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
