he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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