He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Four minutes until I can fart!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
