the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
