he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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