you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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