Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
