Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize