STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
