i love accidental penises.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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