im drinking this country out of the recession.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
