strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
