I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
