just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
