My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
