what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
