i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
