I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i think my cat just said my name.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
