Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
