Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
how drunk are you?
Several
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
