Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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