Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
