I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
