We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
