All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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