i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
