Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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