Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
