Sry I called you an 8
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
