...so i touched it.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
