fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
