I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
