She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
