OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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