please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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