i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
