TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
