I want to have your abortion
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
this is an emotional support booty call
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
