You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
