It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
