So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
