Sponge bath it is.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
