The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
