OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
