it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
