Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
