I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize