from now on my penis is your penis
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
