Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize