Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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