I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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