I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
