just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
