one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
