Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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