my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
