Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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